detachment

i need to detach from people for a while. i'm aware i will be going into dark places. i will go insane. it will take a lot of strength to get me through the summer. I will be alone most of the summer...so i know it's going to be painful. this is not unlike any other summer. people don't know this...the pain i go through when everybody leaves. thoughts of loneliness consume me. i wish i had somebody. someone i could talk to and be intimate with. i ask this, but it's pointless. i believe in karma. i just hope i have the patience until i am saved. society and i don't mix very well. what i find to talk about to people is normal for me, but not to them. i want somebody who'll listen...and try not to fix anything...just let me be. i'm not waiting for the right person to just come along, i am putting myself out there. for someone with social anxiety, it's very difficult, but it's something i must do because i need somebody. i don't just want, i need. people are the only thing that give me patience to understand myself and give me strength to keep living. i hate how society frowns upon anyone who is depressed...they are probably thinking "oh they're fucked up and all sad and stuff so i'll remember to stay away from them." and society is scared in general to delve in those topics. it's so difficult most days to be me and have AS. i poor my heart out and my friends don't give a fuck because they think i'm fucked up. where are the deep, emotional people. like jenny on the l word...she was fucked up and she still had friends and girlfriends to get her through her shit. people shouldn't be scared when someone is depressed. they should realize that these are real human emotions. no one will ever have a perfect relationship. nothing will ever be perfect...it's perfect the way it already is. i've got my shit, but i've also been given a gift.