And You Give Yourself Away

I have come to some realizations over the past 24 hours. I have spent too much time thinking about Ariel. I realized that she won't give me a chance. She doesn't want to understand the person who I am. I can't change who I am...I'm having a rather difficult time trying to understand who I am myself. But alas she is scared because she doesn't want to get involved with me. I'm a complex person and if anything were to happen to me she would feel as if it were her fault. That is not true. My decisions are based on my judgments. Nothing will happen to me anyway. I have been getting a lot of help and it is working. But I have been thinking about her too much nonetheless and I have been wasting my time. I gave myself away and it scared her. I'm sorry for that. But that is what happens when you get into a relationship (even friendship)...if you care enough about the person you will be there for them and help them in any way possible. I feel like Ariel was never there for me. I feel really low at points, but that doesn't mean I'm a negative person...I'm actually hardly negative. I never complain about my depression or anxiety...if anything I joke about it. I don't take it seriously and neither should anyone else.

I need to move on and let go. I'm still mad because I would contact her and she would never get back to me. I feel I got blown off. I see her from time to time with her friends. It upsets me. She hurt me.